Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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