and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's shark week go big or go home
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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