I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
