i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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