I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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