my mouth tastes like poor choices
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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