This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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