I'm lost and stupid without you.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
