She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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