I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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