im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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