I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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