I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
