its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize