I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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