i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
