somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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