How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
