East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
