If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
