fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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