the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
