don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
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gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
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What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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