My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
