Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
