Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
