youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
