Im at strip club and am horny
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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