"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
