i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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