Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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