is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
