So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
