I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So squirting runs in the family.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
