kristin has been a bad kristin
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
