we have pet lesbian snakes
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The best revenge is premature balding
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize