Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
