Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
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