Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
