Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i think my cat just said my name.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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