I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
