there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
