After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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