I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
