Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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