very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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