I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We are all done wearing pants today
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
