I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
