I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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