ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
