I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My liver just broke up with me...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My ATM looks so different sober.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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