ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
