New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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