sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
