More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
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I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
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Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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