non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
