so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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