The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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