so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
