i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
