Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
