his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
