Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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