I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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