If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
