3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
