I faked an abortion last night.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
