you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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