I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
