I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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