why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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