I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize