You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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